Departing. Arriving.

Here I am!

Here I am... I just realized what I typed after I typed it... Here I am... reminiscent of Isaiah? Probably.

It's 1:21 am here in Las Vegas, and about 4:21 am back at the home places... and I don't feel I could sleep right now.

It was hard packing and leaving home. After a night of hanging with some lovely friends and eventually sharing hearts and brains together, I came home and started bawling. It's beautiful to watch people and relationships grow. It'd be easy to say I didn't want to go because of you, my friends, but in the same breath, God has often empowered me through you. Thank you for challenging me to be uncomfortable and to get dirty and bleed for God.

Uncomfortable. Yes. While packing/preparing these past couple of days, I kind of began to lose sight of why I was going. This trip didn't seem real (and still doesn't :-P). It became a "yes, I'm doing A, B, then C" logistics, but was losing the connection with God for the ideal of the trip. Does that make sense? I guess I was focusing on what I was leaving rather than what I was picking up. I want to remember now :-P

I hate packing. I didn't know how much not/to bring, and my suitcase ended up being heavy and awkward - I think I overpacked and left out some important things (such as the correct sort of travel bag for outreaches). I want to get better at this. I want to be prepared. I want to get rid of all of my stuff and just rely on Jesus. I explain this in a very physical sense, but I also mean it in a spiritual sense.

I want to get rid of the crap. All of it. The dumb distractions and idols I set before myself, the layers of security I build between myself and the true character and true community with God. I don't want to lose sight of God for obvious barricades such as thinking/doing generic bad things, but I also don't want to lose Him in my ambitions for ministry/missions/outreaches. I don't want to lose him in the priority that I place in relationships and friends. These latter things are great things, but when I consider how I spend my time thinking about and acting on, these things are certainly becoming idols. Idols. Things that are taking time from God rather than glorifying Him. I want to be rid of the crap so I can be completely present for Him. Here I am.

Here I am in Las Vegas. I step out of my second plane, and BAM! So much advertisement everywhere. It's nearly ridiculous. The epitome of distraction and our culture's desperate desire for entertainment and self satisfaction. Gah. Am I here for Las Vegas? Certainly not, and I was excited to hear some of the staff (who are super awesome) say they weren't fans of Vegas either. So why are we here? Because God wants His love to move in this place. And I think God's pretty awesome, and I want to be there with Him wherever He will let me go.

Well, I believe my brain may be mushy and my eyes super heavy from sleeping probably about 8 hours total (maybe) in the past 3ish days. I feel like I didn't type everything that I wanted to, but I suppose it'll have to wait until another post.

Tomorrow... today (lolz) is going to be a "rest day," and that is exactly what I want to do. I want to cut off my idols and completely rest and prepare myself to be completely open and receptive to God's heart, essence, character, and will. Oh LORD, let it be so!

For those interested, I'd super appreciate prayers for myself, the staff, the volunteers, outreach, etc. I think this is going to be super intense and a pretty hefty target for spiritual battle. Pray that each of us, individually and as a community, will fervently seek out God, that He will meet us and truly be with and through us. In Jesus's Name, keep the devil far from this/us. Amen!