Monday, November 4, 2013
Pulse
Dear sir, dear madam,
Take your seat amongst the partakers:
Welcome to my heart.
It's been building and building;
And with every lofty cry of yours,
My heart feels even more.
Oh strife, oh contradiction,
Oh lives built on foundations
Now needing questioned and made own.
Welcome, my friends,
Millions of miles away,
Your cries are heard.
I'll spin and pop,
Glide over the music,
collapse to the floor.
You are heard.
Your heart is felt.
Oh intercession, so full and sweet.
Our cries are heard.
Our doubts are felt.
Guidance can be made
with each long, drawn reach
to grasp something true and substantial.
Welcome humility.
Welcome expression.
It's all here - an overflowing offering
Laid on a fineshrine in hope.
Welcome, my friends,
To art paving the way to truth.
Prophesying over bones losing marrow
to bring them back to life.
Proclamation made
From long, drawn out cries
Made in desperation.
Oh God, meet us.
Welcome to the heartbeat of humanity.
Progression and Change
Mmmmm, progression. Progress. To progress. To have something towards which I can progress. Progression.
Somedays, progression is overwhelming. Sometimes the ignorance to progression is what keeps one dangerously stagnant and apathetic.
Last quarter as a whole was great, like eating plain salad leaves (and not the juicy, iceberg kind). Honestly, it was great. The battle cry of this school is to rise now, rise new. Well, hallelujah, thank You, Jesus, I'm learning a crapload about my identity and the insecure crutches to which I've been clinging.
Thrust into a school where vulnerable, transparent artistry is demanded in dance, academics, and in a life of community, I wanted to take my slippers and go home. In juxtaposition, I wanted to check all of the deeds off of my list, please the teachers, get the best grades, and pat myself on the back.
Where am I in all of that?
Where is God in all of that?
Where is the actual growth?
What is progression?
False. The enigma of artistry is when you set out to make "good art," your work will probably suck. A dear, God-send friend, Chris Bezek once encouraged me "You have to see yourself as being excellent. But you have to let yourself fail so that you can become excellent."
If I cling to perfectionism or constantly pleasing others or myself with what I create, it will be empty, shallow, and less authentic than my deeper and broader potential. Taking risks is hard when you don't know from where your value comes and don't know who you are trying to please.
My friend and "one on one" mentor, Sherisa recommended taking necessary self dates. When in places of change, it's easy to lose yourself. Having dates where you just hang out with yourself and God is a great way to stimulate inspiration and to feel alive and yourself again.
Cray how we feel we can lose ourselves. Obviously I'm myself; Who else could I be? I'm only now coming to a place where I feel pretty grounded again - after about 5 months - and am getting ready for another shift. Friends have come and gone, and I've realized that my friends, family, and even my own identity are not reliable/steadfast foundations. I am brought to the simple fact that God is truly all I can draw on for my validation and, well, anything.
Somedays, progression is overwhelming. Sometimes the ignorance to progression is what keeps one dangerously stagnant and apathetic.
Last quarter as a whole was great, like eating plain salad leaves (and not the juicy, iceberg kind). Honestly, it was great. The battle cry of this school is to rise now, rise new. Well, hallelujah, thank You, Jesus, I'm learning a crapload about my identity and the insecure crutches to which I've been clinging.
Thrust into a school where vulnerable, transparent artistry is demanded in dance, academics, and in a life of community, I wanted to take my slippers and go home. In juxtaposition, I wanted to check all of the deeds off of my list, please the teachers, get the best grades, and pat myself on the back.
Where am I in all of that?
Where is God in all of that?
Where is the actual growth?
What is progression?
False. The enigma of artistry is when you set out to make "good art," your work will probably suck. A dear, God-send friend, Chris Bezek once encouraged me "You have to see yourself as being excellent. But you have to let yourself fail so that you can become excellent."
If I cling to perfectionism or constantly pleasing others or myself with what I create, it will be empty, shallow, and less authentic than my deeper and broader potential. Taking risks is hard when you don't know from where your value comes and don't know who you are trying to please.
My friend and "one on one" mentor, Sherisa recommended taking necessary self dates. When in places of change, it's easy to lose yourself. Having dates where you just hang out with yourself and God is a great way to stimulate inspiration and to feel alive and yourself again.
Cray how we feel we can lose ourselves. Obviously I'm myself; Who else could I be? I'm only now coming to a place where I feel pretty grounded again - after about 5 months - and am getting ready for another shift. Friends have come and gone, and I've realized that my friends, family, and even my own identity are not reliable/steadfast foundations. I am brought to the simple fact that God is truly all I can draw on for my validation and, well, anything.
7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.
-Philippians 3:7-9
Saturday, August 24, 2013
What is Truth?
"What is Truth?"
The question that was posed right before sentencing an innocent man to death and releasing an imprisoned terrorist (Jn 18:38).
We are currently living in a culture that glorifies embracing one's own ideas of truth and reality. Simultaneously, there is a push for social justice, loving people, and improving the human condition.
But if we don't know what truth is, how do we know what justice is?
An introductory lecture to worldview and philosophy has shown me that I have embraced much of today's popular worldviews (which actually aren't so new, but have resonated throughout millenniums). I've discovered that I am curiously and analytically skeptical toward many biblical world views. What a brilliant recognition to a sneaky tainting of how I view and live life. While this illumination intimidates me with questioning and investing in
fundamental and ornamental truths, I am excited to pray and dig into God's character to discover what truth really is.
We want to see freedom? We want to see justice? We want to believe that nothing really matters? We want life to the fullest now and eternally?
What is truth?
Instead of asking this rhetorically, like Pilate in his cynic culture, let's seek it out. If God is truth, we can be confident that when we pray and seek truth we will find Him (Jer 29:13).
God, provide a community where I can delve deeply into philosophies and discover what is true and discover Your character. Thank You for Your perfect timing, prodding, and provision. Help me know You more.
The question that was posed right before sentencing an innocent man to death and releasing an imprisoned terrorist (Jn 18:38).
We are currently living in a culture that glorifies embracing one's own ideas of truth and reality. Simultaneously, there is a push for social justice, loving people, and improving the human condition.
But if we don't know what truth is, how do we know what justice is?
 | |
| From the movie Stay. |
fundamental and ornamental truths, I am excited to pray and dig into God's character to discover what truth really is.
The Postmodern would be that which in the modern invokes the unpresentable in presentation itself, that which refuses the consolation of correct forms, refuses the consensus of taste permitting a common experience of nostalgia for the impossible, and inquires into new presentations -- not to take pleasure in them, but to better produce the feeling that there is something unpresentable.
-Jean Francois Lyotard
We want to see freedom? We want to see justice? We want to believe that nothing really matters? We want life to the fullest now and eternally?
What is truth?
Instead of asking this rhetorically, like Pilate in his cynic culture, let's seek it out. If God is truth, we can be confident that when we pray and seek truth we will find Him (Jer 29:13).
God, provide a community where I can delve deeply into philosophies and discover what is true and discover Your character. Thank You for Your perfect timing, prodding, and provision. Help me know You more.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Trust Falls
Today, I took a leap of faith, and I jumped off a cliff.
Recently, I've been recognizing some extremely skewed views I have on God - views that have been hindering my trust of Him, of people, and even of myself. I feel like He is calling me into a season of renewing my perspective and teaching me how to trust Him in strong and healthy ways.
So, I jumped off a cliff.
Some friends were going to the End of the World here in Kona, HI. It's a sweet place to go cliff diving. I had no intention of doing such a thing. In the past couple of years, I have become more aware of my body, how important it is to take care of it as a dancer, and I'm just not as big of a fan of heights. Logical. But, I felt God challenge me... I felt Him saying He wanted to use this jump as an exercise of faith.
I scoped out the area for a good spot. With the help of the awesome Ships DTS, I found a solid place with little risk. Many had gone before me, and I cringed at the suspense of every one of them. Now here I was, taking forever and a day to jump.
I felt Him whisper it was okay, He would protect me. I found reassurance looking beyond the step in front of me, and gazing into the horizon. I was shaking like mad, and everyone was encouraging me to go. I felt His assurance that I needn't go on their timing, but His.
After a loooooong wait, I push off, scream JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!
Then, I am swallowed up in the water. Ah, what a sweet release. It was magnificent to be surrounded by an expanse of water that has the power to destroy, bring life, thrash, and direct. It was so easy to float with the smooth swells and feel like I was a part of something infinitely bigger than I am.
God is pushing my borders. He is challenging me to let go of what I think will save me for the adventure of His life. While this sounds like an easy trade-off, there are lots of deeply rooted barriers that stand in the way. I am super pumped that God called me to jump. As I continue forward in this season of renewal, I will have this glorious, physical picture of diving into God's deep embrace. He will take care of me. Hallelujah, amen!
**If you are interested in formal updates about the school of dance ministry I am doing, feel free to contact me/send me an e-mail with your e-mail and/or contact information. I am aiming to send out at least one newsletter a month. If you did not receive the July newsletter, please let me know.**
Recently, I've been recognizing some extremely skewed views I have on God - views that have been hindering my trust of Him, of people, and even of myself. I feel like He is calling me into a season of renewing my perspective and teaching me how to trust Him in strong and healthy ways.
So, I jumped off a cliff.
Some friends were going to the End of the World here in Kona, HI. It's a sweet place to go cliff diving. I had no intention of doing such a thing. In the past couple of years, I have become more aware of my body, how important it is to take care of it as a dancer, and I'm just not as big of a fan of heights. Logical. But, I felt God challenge me... I felt Him saying He wanted to use this jump as an exercise of faith.
I scoped out the area for a good spot. With the help of the awesome Ships DTS, I found a solid place with little risk. Many had gone before me, and I cringed at the suspense of every one of them. Now here I was, taking forever and a day to jump.
I felt Him whisper it was okay, He would protect me. I found reassurance looking beyond the step in front of me, and gazing into the horizon. I was shaking like mad, and everyone was encouraging me to go. I felt His assurance that I needn't go on their timing, but His.
After a loooooong wait, I push off, scream JESUSS!!!!!!!!!!!
 |
| Photo Credit: Jamie Parrish |
Then, I am swallowed up in the water. Ah, what a sweet release. It was magnificent to be surrounded by an expanse of water that has the power to destroy, bring life, thrash, and direct. It was so easy to float with the smooth swells and feel like I was a part of something infinitely bigger than I am.
“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver; “don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.”
― C.S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
God is pushing my borders. He is challenging me to let go of what I think will save me for the adventure of His life. While this sounds like an easy trade-off, there are lots of deeply rooted barriers that stand in the way. I am super pumped that God called me to jump. As I continue forward in this season of renewal, I will have this glorious, physical picture of diving into God's deep embrace. He will take care of me. Hallelujah, amen!
**If you are interested in formal updates about the school of dance ministry I am doing, feel free to contact me/send me an e-mail with your e-mail and/or contact information. I am aiming to send out at least one newsletter a month. If you did not receive the July newsletter, please let me know.**
Thursday, May 30, 2013
This is Why
What motivates me to dance, you ask?
Excited is an understatement.
A gagillion thanks to the insanely talented Amber Doerr for creating this video.
I can't do this alone. The school of dance ministry I am attending costs $15,000 (broken up into three payments of $5,000) While that sounds like an outrageous number, if 100 people (about 10% of my Facebook friends) donated an average of $150, the whole school would be paid in full. So far, in just a short month, we have raised 1/3 of the whole school and outreach! I encourage you to pray about your role in this powerful ministry.
It's super easy to donate. You can make a donation via cash, check to Cathy Kaecher, or online via this nifty PayPal button:
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Mission: Benefit Dinner = Success!
Hello my friends!
Wow, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the benefit dinner such a success. We prayed it'd be a holistic blessing, and it indeed was! I was so encouraged by your support. I am so glad we were able to show how God rocks our passions/gifts/service - whether dance, music, cooking, organizing, or sharpening pencils (thanks Lydia!). We raised $4,198!! Tchyeah mann!
I think it was really the first time I have been able to share my heart for dance via words and actual dance for friends and family. Thank you for creating such a loving and welcoming environment for me to share it with you :) Everyone using what they love to make God's plans happen was like a taste of heaven. I have learned and grown so much through every step.
There is still much support raising to be done, but it is definitely becoming more of a feasible reality! I would most definitely appreciate your prayers. I've been discovering in the past couple of weeks how big spiritual support is. As time draws closer, I am getting so pumped! But I also feel the effects of tricky old and new spiritual attacks.
Hallelujah! God is doing a good thing, and He will be faithful to complete it! Thank you all for joining with me in this exciting adventure.
Didn't get to make it to the dinner but still want to support? It's super easy! Just click the button below to make an online donation. If you would prefer to donate with check or cash, just let me know :) Please feel free to contact me if you would like to join my e/mailing list ^_^
To check out online and offline donation progress and to see other updates, click HERE!
Wow, a HUGE thank you to everyone who made the benefit dinner such a success. We prayed it'd be a holistic blessing, and it indeed was! I was so encouraged by your support. I am so glad we were able to show how God rocks our passions/gifts/service - whether dance, music, cooking, organizing, or sharpening pencils (thanks Lydia!). We raised $4,198!! Tchyeah mann!
I think it was really the first time I have been able to share my heart for dance via words and actual dance for friends and family. Thank you for creating such a loving and welcoming environment for me to share it with you :) Everyone using what they love to make God's plans happen was like a taste of heaven. I have learned and grown so much through every step.
There is still much support raising to be done, but it is definitely becoming more of a feasible reality! I would most definitely appreciate your prayers. I've been discovering in the past couple of weeks how big spiritual support is. As time draws closer, I am getting so pumped! But I also feel the effects of tricky old and new spiritual attacks.
Hallelujah! God is doing a good thing, and He will be faithful to complete it! Thank you all for joining with me in this exciting adventure.
Didn't get to make it to the dinner but still want to support? It's super easy! Just click the button below to make an online donation. If you would prefer to donate with check or cash, just let me know :) Please feel free to contact me if you would like to join my e/mailing list ^_^
To check out online and offline donation progress and to see other updates, click HERE!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Reflections I : Empathy is not the End
Reflections on Reflecting:
After a few days of feeling pretty dead (natural after weeks of upbeat work, however enjoyable, without rest), I felt some crazy, unattended convictions that needed reflection.
Ah, reflection. We do everything we can - checking cell phones, FB, etc.- to avoid looking unproductive or bored for something as silly as thinking. It is nonetheless so necessary.
After days of avoiding reflection, God tricked me into it. I watched Les Miserables with my family, and I couldn't help but burst at the seams with passions that needed reflection. Here are snippets from my journal entry (the "You"s refer to God... I kinda prayer journal ;) ).
3-31-13 9:30ish p.m.
From Pain to Happiness to What Now?
Loss of love, dreams, and innocence is so real.
I've known it.
But a long healing process has brought me to a place of beautiful happiness. I've found steadfastness in You that I've never had before. It's glorious. But I've discovered I've built walls. Walls to protect me from feeling the pain of the past. That in and of itself is not so bad, arguably healthy. But the problem lies in the lack of empathy and sensitivity I've had toward people of whom "life has killed the dream [they] dreamed" (Les Mis). Earlier in life, my life's goal was to cry with the broken hearted and let them know that they were not alone. Now, it terrifies me.
Maybe that's because I have been missing something:
It's not enough to cry with the brokenhearted.
Sure, it's glamorous in snapshots. But the reality of it is a day by day living it out - living alongside people through deep conversations, funny jokes, crazy schedules, and lazy summer days. Can I partner alongside people with Your hope and empathy? Cry alongside in honesty and rebuild again in truth? These are the scariest things.
Maybe it's time to stop hiding from abuse/brokenness. A time of selfish happiness was nice - it taught me that it is not shameful nor shallow to be innocent, optimistic, and happy. But let's not be ignorant.
I've been hiding, afraid of losing the joy and new found innocence, only to find the joy is hollow and fragile if not shared and lived with others who need it. Christ came and indubitably had joyous, carefree times, but He also came to suffer and bind up the broken. And He was dang good at it - the movement hasn't died.
But it does get messy. There's lots of follow up. What do you do after you stir a heart to bleed again? I can't do it on my own. It overwhelms me.
Let's get back to the heart of it. Is the heart that we are all broken? Is the heart that we're all shattered and in need/missing something? Surely it's a part, but not complete. Is it that there is marvelous joy and complete happiness - again, merely a part.
The heart of it is God: Truth, love, empathy for brokenness, grace, healing, understanding, and perfect timing.
To be honest, I am awful at loving people. I can't do it on my own, nor was I meant to. Great thing is, we are not alone.
God, I've got a lot to learn. Thank You for Your grace and patience with me. This is a crazy road we're on, but I can tell You're teaching me lots. I love You. Help me to know, love, and trust You more. I'm not so great at it most of the time :P
After a few days of feeling pretty dead (natural after weeks of upbeat work, however enjoyable, without rest), I felt some crazy, unattended convictions that needed reflection.
Ah, reflection. We do everything we can - checking cell phones, FB, etc.- to avoid looking unproductive or bored for something as silly as thinking. It is nonetheless so necessary.
After days of avoiding reflection, God tricked me into it. I watched Les Miserables with my family, and I couldn't help but burst at the seams with passions that needed reflection. Here are snippets from my journal entry (the "You"s refer to God... I kinda prayer journal ;) ).
3-31-13 9:30ish p.m.
It is scary delving into pain, but it is necessary and beautiful with the right support.
From Pain to Happiness to What Now?
Loss of love, dreams, and innocence is so real.
I've known it.
But a long healing process has brought me to a place of beautiful happiness. I've found steadfastness in You that I've never had before. It's glorious. But I've discovered I've built walls. Walls to protect me from feeling the pain of the past. That in and of itself is not so bad, arguably healthy. But the problem lies in the lack of empathy and sensitivity I've had toward people of whom "life has killed the dream [they] dreamed" (Les Mis). Earlier in life, my life's goal was to cry with the broken hearted and let them know that they were not alone. Now, it terrifies me.
 |
| Me not being sensitive. |
Maybe that's because I have been missing something:
It's not enough to cry with the brokenhearted.
Sure, it's glamorous in snapshots. But the reality of it is a day by day living it out - living alongside people through deep conversations, funny jokes, crazy schedules, and lazy summer days. Can I partner alongside people with Your hope and empathy? Cry alongside in honesty and rebuild again in truth? These are the scariest things.
 |
| Hide and... well, stay hiding. |
Maybe it's time to stop hiding from abuse/brokenness. A time of selfish happiness was nice - it taught me that it is not shameful nor shallow to be innocent, optimistic, and happy. But let's not be ignorant.
I've been hiding, afraid of losing the joy and new found innocence, only to find the joy is hollow and fragile if not shared and lived with others who need it. Christ came and indubitably had joyous, carefree times, but He also came to suffer and bind up the broken. And He was dang good at it - the movement hasn't died.
But it does get messy. There's lots of follow up. What do you do after you stir a heart to bleed again? I can't do it on my own. It overwhelms me.
 |
| Just realizing the complications isn't helpful. |
The heart of it is God: Truth, love, empathy for brokenness, grace, healing, understanding, and perfect timing.
"This is what we are about: we plant seeds that will one day grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces effects far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something and to do it well. It may be incomplete, but it's a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the LORD's Grace to enter and do the rest."
-Compline qtd. from Dan Emerick
To be honest, I am awful at loving people. I can't do it on my own, nor was I meant to. Great thing is, we are not alone.
God, I've got a lot to learn. Thank You for Your grace and patience with me. This is a crazy road we're on, but I can tell You're teaching me lots. I love You. Help me to know, love, and trust You more. I'm not so great at it most of the time :P
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